An Attempt at a 'Conversation'

What happens when the Frustrated Common Citizen (FCC) meets the United Alliance of Superficiality and Cowardice (UASC)? Read on:






FCC? You, me, or for that matter, anyone else affected by the ongoing situations.



UASC? These are the combined forces of our eminent leaders/parties like the honourable MNS, RSS, Shiv Sena, Pramod Muthalik, some pseudo politicos and the likes.



FCC- First things first. I, as a representative of the masses, want to tell you that we are really angered at the state of affairs presently!



UASC- Thank you, we are glad we affect you in some way or the other!
FCC- What makes you think you can target specific celebrities just to highlight your cause, which in itself is hollow?



UASC- How else do you think we would gain publicity? Will we be having this conversation in the first place if it wasn't for our dear celeb friends? It is a mutually beneficial relationship you see. Our gain is theirs and indirectly, yours too. By the way, did you just call us hollow? We must clarify, we are not hollow but superficial and we revel in it!



FCC- It’s almost the same. But the point is how can you call your actions mutually beneficial when that is something neither they want nor us?



UASC- It’s not a matter of you wanting it or not. We are used to having our way around. Even if you don't want it you will be forced to do so. We look at the larger picture. We are always there for our country and fellow countrymen.
FCC- Oh yeah? How about fellow countrywomen? Beating them up in pubs and limiting their freedom seems to be your idea of 'help'.



UASC- Yes, my friend, you are right. We are helping women by preventing them from breaking the social, cultural and moral barriers of our society.
FCC- 'Social, cultural and moral barriers’ set by who?



UASC- By us.
FCC- And who appointed you as the custodians?



UASC- We are self-appointed, thank you.
FCC- I am at a loss of words! Anyway, moving on, what makes you discriminate people on the basis of something as minor as their region?



UASC- Now that is something we feel strongly about. We believe there is so much in a name. That is why we are all anti-Shakespeare.






FCC- Does it really matter? We are Indians first and then Maharashtrians, Gujaratis, Parsis, and so on.



UASC- Yes it does matter, and to a great extent. After all, how will we form groups and claim each region as our own and gain power?
FCC- Reminds me of the age-old Brit theory of “divide and rule”.



UASC- You are smart! Had it not been for those goras, we would not have been what we are today. We owe them lots. But you missed one point. Its not only region, we also specialize in dividing people on the basis of religion, caste, class. In fact, we are exploring new arenas to spread our network. Not to forget our most successful achievement- that of dividing people on the basis of countries.
FCC- Countries? Or is it a specific country?



UASC- You can say we ain't no Spiderman, your friendly neighbourhood. We just wait for any opportunity to jeopardise cordial relations between the two countries and grab it as soon as it comes.
FCC- Why is it always a garbed attack, then?



UASC- (sheepish grin) Deep inside we aren't exactly as, err, bravehearts as we project ourselves to be.
FCC- That's why you are so aptly named.



UASC- *@$%#?!
FCC- There we go again! Alright, what if no one buys your idea of sovereignty?



UASC- Then we will thrash commoners, tear posters, burn effigies, beat women, target famous personalities, vandalize and basically, just boss our way around, as we are used to doing.
FCC- I will conclude by warning you that this won't last long. Your artifice can easily be seen through and we won't bear with the likes of you any longer!



UASC- Ha! Hard chance! Try your luck.
FCC- You are hardly a handful and we are millions. It’s high time for things to change. Your time is going to be over.



UASC- We know how to play our cards well.
FCC- And we know how to co-operate to dominate (from Chetan Bhagat's novel 'Five Point Someone’. See CB? You got your due!)



UASC- What rubbish? How do we hear a voice stronger than ours?
FCC- Because this is the voice of the entire nation. Count your days, sirs. We are one and slowly but steadily, we are rising!



UASC- What? No! How? When? This can't be....We will....Wait! How dare you? Where are you....Noooo.... (voice trails off)